Did you know that, unlike some mammals that only ovulate during clitoral stimulation, a woman can get pregnant multiple times without ever experiencing an orgasm?

Of course, people would spend a lot less time in the bedroom if reproduction were the only reason to have sex. For many, sex is about pleasure, exploration, and connection. And while lots of women prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own, the female orgasm feels amazing — and it has a far greater impact on your mental and physical wellness than you might imagine.

It’s not uncommon to see commercials for pills that treat erectile dysfunction. But sexual dysfunction is a women’s health issue too — in some communities, as many as 26% of women suffer from anorgasmia, the difficulty or inability to climax. 

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I orgasm?” you’re far from alone. And while this sexual issue can cause frustration and insecurity, anorgasmia doesn’t have to last forever. Putting yourself back on the path to pleasure starts with finding its root cause.

Understanding the female orgasm

Female orgasmic disorder is one of the most common sexual problems for women, second only to a low sex drive. It happens when you experience a normal level of sexual excitement but consistently struggle to crest the hill.

But for some women, what may feel like orgasmic disorder is actually a lack of understanding of how female orgasms work. Traditional porn could be partially to blame — porn performers make climaxing from penetrative sex look very easy. That’s true for some people, and vaginal orgasms are certainly possible, especially with sex positions that target highly sensitive erogenous zones like the G-spot. But studies show fewer than 20% of women achieve orgasm from penetration alone.

While most sexually active people know the clitoris exists, not everyone realizes just how powerful it is. It’s the most sensitive erogenous zone on the female body, and its sole purpose is sexual pleasure. If this is news to you, the solution to the “Why can’t I orgasm during sex?” problem could be as simple as adding clitoral stimulation to your partnered play, which you can do by rubbing yourself with your fingers or using vibrating sex toys and oral sex to target the clitoris during foreplay and sex.

Experimenting with different types of vibrators might also help if you struggle to climax during masturbation. You may feel most stimulated by the focused intensity of a bullet vibrator. If you enjoy vaginal penetration while masturbating, try a rabbit, which doubles as a dildo and clitoral vibe. And an air-pulsating vibrator can mimic the feeling of a tongue, which many women enjoy. A bit of trial and error may be all it takes to help you discover what works for you.

13 reasons women struggle to orgasm  

If you’re still unable to orgasm after experimenting with different types of clitoral stimulation, a mental health or medical condition could be the cause, or you may need to address some factors in your lifestyle or relationship. Here are some of the possible causes of anorgasmia:

1. Hormonal changes

Hormones play a critical role in women's sexual health. But many factors can cause your hormones to fluctuate throughout your life, including stress, illness, menopause, pregnancy, and breastfeeding. Hormonal changes can lead to reduced sexual desire, vaginal dryness, and difficulty reaching orgasm.

2. Health conditions

Thyroid disorders and conditions that affect the nerves, such as multiple sclerosis, spinal cord injury, and diabetic nerve damage, can affect blood flow and sensitivity in the sexual organs, hindering sexual pleasure.

3. Anxiety and depression

Since what’s going on in your brain can significantly affect your body, mental health challenges like anxiety and depression can directly impact your ability to orgasm. 

4. Pain during sex

Sexual pain disorders like vulvodynia, dyspareunia, vaginismus, and pelvic floor dysfunction can lead to painful sexual intercourse. In turn, the fear of pain can cause your body to negatively anticipate sex, leading to a cycle of more pain and sexual dysfunction that detracts from your ability to climax.

5. Vaginal dryness

Menopause and hormonal changes, specifically a decrease in estrogen, can cause vaginal dryness. This can make sexual intercourse or masturbation less enjoyable, leading to difficulties with orgasm.

6. Antidepressants and antipsychotic medicines

Certain medications — particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft — can have side effects on sexual function. They may affect arousal, lubrication, and the ability to orgasm.

7. Poor nutrition

Depriving your body of the nutrients and hydration it needs to function at its best can lead to a lot of negative side effects, including an impact on your sexual health.

8. Fear or guilt

Societal, cultural, or religious beliefs may create a sense of sex-related shame or fear, which can make it harder to orgasm.

9. Low self-esteem

Body image issues, low self-confidence, and insecurity in your relationship can play a big part in your sexual well-being. With all these thoughts whirring in your mind, it may be difficult to achieve climax. 

10. Stress

Stress can lead to various health conditions that might affect blood pressure, sexual desire, and the ability to reach orgasm.

11. Aging

Orgasmic disorder is more common in women over the age of 45. Aging can bring about changes in sexual function, including reductions in lubrication, sensitivity, and sexual desire.

12. Trauma 

Past sexual trauma, including assault, can profoundly impact your sexual function and desire and may require sex therapy to address. 

13. Alcohol and stimulant use

The heavy consumption of alcohol, narcotics, tobacco, cannabis, and other stimulants or depressants can contribute to anorgasmia.

Lifestyle changes that may help

Many potential causes of anorgasmia are things you can address, but you’ll need a professional’s help for some. If you think trauma is causing your issues, for example, scheduling an appointment with a sex therapist or mental health professional is an excellent first step. On the other hand, if you think your SSRIs are to blame, talk to your doctor about potential solutions.

Even if you’re struggling to climax because of something outside your control, such as aging or hormone shifts, you may see some improvement from modifying the things you do every day. Here are some changes you can try:

Move your body

Regular exercise enhances your overall well-being. It can improve blood flow to the pelvic area, boosting sexual pleasure. Feeling strong and empowered may also improve your self-esteem and body image, making you feel sexier.

Give your body the nutrients it needs

Like exercise, drinking enough water and eating nutritious foods can improve your physical health — and your mental health, too. And when your body and mind feel good, you may find sex easier to enjoy.

Reduce alcohol, tobacco, and drug consumption

If you’re a regular drinker or smoker or partake in recreational drugs, try cutting back. Even if these substances aren’t the direct cause of your sexual struggles, reducing consumption will improve your overall health, getting your body closer to peak performance.

Use positive affirmations

If a mental health condition or low self-confidence is contributing to your lack of enjoyment, try incorporating affirmations into your daily routine. A positive mindset won’t solve all your problems, and you’ll still benefit from therapy. But saying positive words to your reflection can make a big difference in the love you feel for yourself.

Communicate with your partner(s)

If you’re not reaching orgasm because sex isn’t focused enough on your needs, don’t suffer in silence. A good partner will want to work with you to make your sexual experience the best it can be. 

Focus on foreplay

Orgasm is just one part of the sexual response cycle, so try building up more tension during the arousal phase. Experiment with sex toys, oral sex, and tantric practices like vulva massage to help you feel more aroused. If dryness is an issue, test out different lubes to reduce friction and make the experience more enjoyable.

When to seek assistance

If you’ve done everything in your power to improve your physical and mental health and still can’t seem to orgasm, it might be time to get a healthcare professional’s help. A routine physical and blood workup could reveal a hormonal imbalance, nutritional deficiencies, or other medical issues that your doctor can help you address. 

A mental health professional or sex therapist can help you work through any psychological or emotional issues that could be standing in your way. And if you and your partner struggle with sexual incompatibility or communication issues, a relationship therapist may be able to help you develop a stronger bond.

Start with self-love

A healthy sex life starts with loving your body and sexuality, and masturbation is a great sexual activity for practicing self-love. 

If you need help feeling stimulated, try Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. Sexual sounds and stories can help with arousal and orgasm, and Quinn has a wide range of erotic content to get you started.

To access thousands of guided masturbation sessions and seductive audio stories read by professional voice actors, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.