You may have noticed that having more than one romantic partner is becoming more common in today's dating scene. 

While some love this practice, others might feel hesitant at the thought of sharing a partner or juggling more than one. This is understandable, as successfully navigating this dynamic requires extra patience and understanding, given that it involves the feelings, desires, and boundaries of multiple individuals.

This is where ethical non-monogamy (ENM) comes in. 

ENM is an umbrella term for consensually opening a relationship to emotional and romantic connections and sex with other people. If you're interested in this concept and looking to explore connections beyond a one-on-one relationship structure, this guide will help you determine if an ENM relationship is right for you. 

What is ethical non-monogamy?  

Ethical non-monogamy goes by a few different names and acronyms — like ENM, consensual non-monogamy, and CNM — but the definition stays consistent: It’s participation in a romantic or intimate relationship that isn’t exclusively between two people.

Negotiating ENM boundaries varies between relationships. While some people set specific limits, like only pursuing casual sex or casual dating with other partners, others allow for multiple serious or long-term relationships. And while exclusivity is usually assumed in monogamous relationships, partners in ENM relationships are fully aware of the non-exclusive nature.

These relationships are only successful when there’s explicit agreement from everyone involved, and each person can openly voice their feelings, desires, and limits. To accomplish this, ENM relationships require healthy communication and considerable emotional intelligence — after all, this dynamic is as much about nurturing your partners' well-being as it is about personal fulfillment.

Today, dating platforms are even getting on board with ENM. Recently, OkCupid, Feeld (the "threesome app"), and Tinder have made the move to allow non-monogamous couples to link their accounts or singles to list their interest in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, proving just how common these relationships are becoming. 

Types of non-monogamy 

Ethical non-monogamy is the umbrella term for the spectrum of non-monogamous relationship styles under which more nuanced setups exist. Here are some of the main types: 

Polyamory 

Polyamory involves having multiple romantic, emotional, and sexual relationships consensually. The structure of these relationships varies; some exist between groups of people who are all romantically connected, while others involve people who have a romantic or sexual relationship (or multiple) outside their primary partner.  

Open relationships 

An open marriage or relationship typically refers to primary partnerships that permit casual sexual encounters. With this relationship structure, emotional attachments outside the primary relationship might be less common, but they can happen. Still, in open relationships, the main focus remains on the primary partnership.  

Monogamish 

This term refers to relationships that are primarily monogamous but allow for occasional hook-ups with other people. A monogamish relationship emphasizes sexual activity over emotional experiences, and these external encounters may be infrequent. 

Polygamy 

Polygamy — which is different from polyamory — is primarily known in religious and cultural contexts. This relationship structure involves one person having multiple spouses. While people may practice polygamy ethically and consensually, it's illegal in many places to have more than one marriage simultaneously.

Polyfidelity  

With this type of ethical non-monogamy, there’s a group of romantic or sexual partners that are all in a collective relationship. Members of the group usually restrict their sexual encounters and romantic relationships to others within the group, which may or may not permit new members to join.  

Relationship anarchy 

Relationship anarchy rejects traditional labels and hierarchies. Relationship anarchists don't prioritize romantic over platonic relationships and believe all relationships are equally worthwhile. This relationship structure emphasizes individual autonomy and freedom.   

Ethical non-monogamy versus non-monogamy  

Comparing non-monogamy and ethical non-monogamy comes down to one principle: consent. With ENM, everyone is fully aware of the arrangement and agrees to the relationship dynamics. This structure keeps the lines of communication open, ensuring everyone respects each other’s boundaries.  

Being in a non-monogamous relationship without consent is inherently unethical. In some cases, people pursue relationships outside of a primary partnership without the knowledge or consent of everyone involved, and the end result is infidelity.  

Ethical non-monogamy versus cheating  

Ethical non-monogamy isn’t cheating because it adheres to agreed-upon rules. In ENM, all partners are in the loop and consent to engaging in outside relationships or encounters. Each individual or couple sets guidelines for what is and isn't acceptable within their ethically non-monogamous relationship.  

On the flip side, cheating occurs when someone acts non-monogamously without the consent of everyone involved or steps outside the established boundaries of their relationship without their partner's (or partners’) consent. It's a breach of trust, and while it may seem surprising, it's absolutely possible to cheat within an ENM relationship. 

Ethical non-monogamy versus polyamory 

Polyamory is a type of ethical non-monogamy. It narrows ethical non-monogamy's broad focus down to pursuing multiple loving and often long-term emotional and sexual relationships. Distinguished by its emphasis on bonds with various partners, polyamory is part of the broader ENM spectrum.  

Tips for practicing ethical non-monogamy  

Practicing ethical non-monogamy requires talking (lots of talking) with your current partner about your emotional and sexual wants, needs, and fears. It's a complex journey requiring careful navigation, but getting it right is worth it. This detailed guide will help you get started:   

Consider how you handle jealousy 

Jealousy is totally normal and natural in all types of relationships. However, it requires special attention in ENM due to the nature of having multiple connections. Consider whether or not you're a jealous partner and how you process and address these feelings. To make ethical non-monogamy work, you need to develop an understanding of jealousy and how to constructively communicate your jealous feelings.  

Strengthen your primary relationship 

Examine your relationship for strength and stability before adding new and potentially challenging dynamics. Do you and your primary partner have deep trust, solid communication, and clarity on each other's needs and insecurities? Ethical non-monogamy will only be successful and fun with a strong foundation.  

Assess your personal capacity 

Being ethically non-monogamous means juggling multiple relationships or encounters, which requires time, emotional energy, and scheduling. Reflect on whether you have the space for additional relationships and how it might impact your personal well-being.  

Communicate honestly  

Discuss ethical non-monogamy openly with your partner, including why you're interested in it, any research you've done, and what you hope to gain from it. Encourage your partner to express their feelings and concerns, and be a safe space for them to open up. This conversation should be ongoing and allow you to communicate freely and respectfully. 

Negotiate and set boundaries 

Clear boundaries are a cornerstone of ethical non-monogamy. These rules might include the types of relationships you and your partner are comfortable with, such as strictly emotional or strictly sexual, and sexual health practices like getting tested regularly. You might also set limits on how much you share about other partners with others or outline expectations for how much time you spend with each other. These boundaries should be flexible and revised as time passes and relationships shift and grow. 

Check in regularly 

Consistent communication is vital, so schedule regular check-ins to ensure everyone's on the same page. These discussions are the perfect time to address and adjust boundaries and concerns so all partners feel heard, respected, and valued.

Explore your fantasies with Quinn  

Ethical non-monogamy is exciting for some people because it's a new experience. To explore the fantasies in your head before committing IRL, try Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women and for the world.

Quinn's wide range of ethical sexual content, recorded by skilled voice actors, includes narrated sex stories, guided masturbation sessions, and more. To learn more about different sexualities and romantic orientations, like demiromanticism, visit our blog. 

To access thousands of erotic audio stories and sounds, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android today.