Absence may make the heart grow fonder — but it often creates challenges for those in long-distance relationships. 

When many miles separate two halves of a couple, intimacy, communication, and conflict resolution are harder to maintain. Either half have different routines and methods of communication, which can shake up a relationship — but shake up doesn’t have to mean break up.

Long-distance relationships do work if both parties make a conscious effort. Whether you’re toying with the idea of dating someone across the country or worried the spark is fading between a current long-distance lover, we have tips to keep the flame burning from afar.

8 tips for long-distance success

Wondering what to do in a long-distance relationship, or LDR, to make it last for the long haul? Here are some tried-and-true tips to help you and your partner thrive.

1. Talk to each other

Good communication is crucial to every romantic relationship, but it’s absolutely essential for partners who aren’t physically together. You can’t rely on crossed arms or weird vibes to communicate that you’re unhappy or having a bad day. Luckily, technology has evolved since the days of courier pigeons. It’s easy to shoot your partner a text to show you’re thinking of them, even if it’s just a silly meme. And you can video call to see each other’s expressions and body language when you have something important to talk about.

Strive for balance in your topics and platforms. Don’t make every conversation too serious or too light — have fun, but be honest about your feelings, both good and bad. And don’t rely too heavily on texting. Make time for phone and video calls to nurture your emotional connection.

Just remember that sometimes less is more, and some people get overwhelmed by frequent notifications. While it's tempting to be in constant touch, focusing on quality over quantity keeps the bulk of your conversations meaningful. When in doubt, have a chat about what level of communication you and your partner are comfortable with. 

2. Make tangible gestures

Technology makes it much easier to keep the lines of communication open, but if you want to know how to make them feel special in a long-distance relationship, snail mail is hard to beat. Put in a little extra effort now and then to send a card or a letter — or even a care package with their favorite snacks or a sweater that smells like you. 

If you see something you think they’d like while out shopping, buy it and drop it in the mail. Put together the occasional package for a birthday, anniversary, or just because. It’ll brighten their day and prove you’re willing to go the extra mile to show them how much you care.

You can even recruit delivery services like Uber Eats to send your partner a treat, like a coffee on Sunday morning or dinner after a rough day at work. 

3. Schedule regular date nights

FaceTime, Skype, Zoom — plenty of platforms make it possible to see the face you fell in love with. Scheduling might be tricky if you’re both busy, especially if you’re in different time zones. But it’s important to spend that quality time together. Planning romantic virtual dates gives both of you something to look forward to every time you say goodbye. If you can, find a time — even if it’s brief — to chat at regular intervals, like every Sunday night, so you always have something to look forward to. 

A virtual date night doesn’t have to mean dressing up or sending roses. If you’re too tired to say a lot, you can even use a tool like Teleparty to watch the same show or movie in sync. Just think about what you’d do with your partner in person and do your best to replicate it with technology.

4. Keep the romance alive

Speaking of what partners do in person, one of the biggest concerns in long-distance relationships is how to handle sexual intimacy (or the lack thereof). Once again, technology comes to the rescue — sexting, phone sex, and video sex are all great options for ramping up the romance with mutual masturbation. 

If you want to make things more interesting, companies like We-Vibe make remote sex toys that can simulate a partner’s touch. Pairing a Bluetooth-enabled vibrator with an app-controlled masturbation sleeve will give you both power over the other’s pleasure and make virtual sex more interactive. Use your new toys while enjoying a little dirty talk, or queue up a Quinn playlist to indulge in some erotica together.

5. Prioritize trust and mental health

Jealousy and insecurity aren’t exclusive to long-distance relationships, but they’re much harder to overcome when you go long stretches without seeing each other in person. Your partner might be meeting new people, making friends, and even dodging pickup lines from local hotties — and it’s okay to worry about it. But it doesn’t mean they won’t stay loyal to you.

This is where communication and balance become critical. Instead of firing off a string of accusations, wait for a calm moment to address potential feelings of jealousy. It’s a good idea to talk about it in person to set boundaries and standards for trust. If your partner expresses insecurity when you mention that you’ll be out late with friends, texting them throughout the night could help alleviate their concerns.

Just remember to respect the fact that you can (and should!) have lives outside the relationship. If things do start to get choppy, have a discussion about your love languages and attachment styles. And don’t be afraid to call on a couples counselor for help — virtually, of course.

6. Maintain your independence

Remember when we said you should both have lives outside the relationship? We really can’t stress this point enough. Your partner can be a part of you without sacrificing your individuality. Pursue hobbies, spend time with friends, and stay focused on becoming the person you want to be. 

When you know who you are outside of your partner, you’ll feel better about yourself as an individual, which will benefit the relationship. If you’re unfulfilled or have no social life beyond your partner, your date-night conversations might go stale.

This advice applies to your mental health, too. Couples counseling can be an excellent resource for partners struggling with trust or communication issues, but seeing an individual therapist can help you deal with feelings of jealousy, loneliness, and insecurity. And you don’t need a diagnosable mental illness to benefit from professional help. Someone like a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) can offer the guidance and coping mechanisms you need to be happy, both in the relationship and on your own.

7. Plan your next visit

One of the perks of a long-distance relationship is the anticipation of the next time you’ll be together. In-person meetups are far more precious when you’re used to being far apart, and you can use the time between visits to plan your next reunion. Talk about the things you'll do, the places you'll go, and the ways you’ll touch each other when you’re alone. Instead of worrying about the present, you’ll get excited about the future.

8. Make sure you’re on the same page

By now, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that long-distance relationships take effort. For them to work, you have to commit to communication. Making sure your goals align as early on as possible will help protect you from heartache down the road.

Do you both want to live in the same city when the time is right? Are they as willing to travel to you as you are to them? Are they interested in opening up the relationship, or do they value monogamy?

It’s easy to avoid these types of questions during the honeymoon phase, and it’s okay to see how things go before making promises you won’t keep. But having the hard conversations early will keep you from spending the time and effort on someone whose vision for your relationship doesn’t line up.

Love your partner — and yourself

You don’t need to have regular hookups to have a healthy sex life. Masturbation is good for your health, and it can quench your desire when your long-distance partner isn’t available for a video chat. 

That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women, for the world. If you’re interested in plot-driven erotica, sounds for sexy shower time, or audios to help you fall asleep, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.